So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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