he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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