she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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