I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
