I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
