Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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