I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
