i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
