I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
