That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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