So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
