i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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