all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
