Pregnant stripper...not hot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
