Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
