Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im part way to drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
