Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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