some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
