Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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