I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
