Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
