Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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