My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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