Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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