Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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