I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
