this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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