Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
