I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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