I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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