Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
