my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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