Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
