I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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