Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
