Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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