I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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