White coat. Heels.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
