So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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