Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
