last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
