Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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