come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize