Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
