great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
