I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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