Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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