This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
