Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
