whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
