Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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