Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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