1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
