You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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