I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
