Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
NoShamevember. You game?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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