I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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