if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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