True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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