To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
