I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
