Only a mothe r could love this liver
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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