I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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