Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
worst night to have a conscience
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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