Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
