It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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