i need an iv and a liver transplant
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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