I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
