the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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