I'm gonna have a badass scar
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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