he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
