I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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