The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
