Can Purell be used as lube?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
