i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
