I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
