I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
