people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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