Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
